i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
