I just saw a hot homeless man
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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