he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
