so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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