After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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