Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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