I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
