He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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