i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
