if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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