just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
