fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
