Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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