I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
