Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
