I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
