Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
