I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
