she looked like the before picture.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
