just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
