i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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