getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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