the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
from now on my penis is your penis
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
