They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize