i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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