woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
