You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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