How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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