I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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