Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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