I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize