one might say we're banned from that church
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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