Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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