Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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