you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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