I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
