I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
