I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
