your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
