Just fell off a train. Bad.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
