I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
