Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i will never coherently bang her
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize