did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
