Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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