There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
