too bad you live with your parents still
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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