The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
