Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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