Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
