yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So many bounce houses so little time
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
