They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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