You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
