The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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