paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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