EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
