I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
