why didn't you poke me back
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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