There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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