I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
