I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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