Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
