if i died would you start the facebook group?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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