I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize