What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
