2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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