Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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