I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think my moral compass just broke
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
