I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
