I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
