Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
