so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
did you just send me my own nude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
