So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
