so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
