You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
