I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize