this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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