I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
