he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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