i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
