I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
