I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone came in the potted fern
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
