Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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