Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
