Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
