It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
