I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it was like eating out sand paper
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
