If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
