He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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