That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
