We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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