When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
