I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They took my balls.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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