He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
