I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
