I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
then he tried to convert me to islam
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
