I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
