call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
